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Saturday, July 18, 2015

Live Post: Tommy Wiseau's The Room- Finale

During yet another sex scene, Hubs: Do you think there is a soundtrack for this?  I'm looking that up on Spotify right now...

Pause

Hubs: Nope. Doesn't look like it.  At least, not on Spotify.  Bastards.

Play.

Another football-throwing scene.  I'm not sure which Tommy likes more, awkward sex scenes or awkward football-throwing scenes.

"XYZ, Mark."
"What?"
"Examine Your Zipper!  You guys are too much!"

"You think you can get it all from Mark?"
"If he can't give it to me, someone will."

WOW.

God Lisa, you are such a bitch.

Grandma, why did you come over again?

Hubs: The breast cancer.  That's why.

_

Watching Johnny walk through downtown San Francisco, Hubs: Has this guy every watched a movie before?

Me: I think I've heard cats sing 'Happy Birthday' better than this...

Well THAT was a short party!

Oh, nope.  Still happening.

HE KNOWS!  JOHNNY KNOWS THAT LISA AND MARK ARE DOING IT!!!!

Ugh.  This Buzzball drink is disgusting.

The Hubs laughs.

Why did you let me drink this?!?!

Wait, now Lisa is making out with Mark at Johnny's party?  Who is this asshole who just came in the front door to discover them?  WHAT IS HAPPENING???

WHY IS JOHNNY TELLING EVERYONE AT THE PARTY THAT THEY'RE HAVING A BABY????

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!

LISA, YOU BITCH!!!!  So she really is a complete sociopath... huh.

"What's it to you?"
"You're going to shake up our group of friends!"

Oh.  So THAT'S why I shouldn't lie to Johnny and cheat on him with his best friend?  Oh, OK.

_

Ok.  So that awkward fight didn't happen and now Lisa and Mark are dancing all sexy-like?  Sure.  Cool.

"I'llkillyouI'llbreakeveryboneinyourbody."

"Everybody betrayed me!  I'm fed up with this world."

"I cleaned up the kitchen, honey, so you don't have to worry about that."

Right.  Thanks, mom!  Because I am totally thinking about housekeeping when my fiancé who I cheated on has locked himself in the bathroom all night.  But the kitchen is clean so...cool.

_

"you can come out now, Johnny, she's gone."

"In a few minutes, bitch."

"Who are you calling a bitch?"

"You and your mother."

_

The tape!  The tape magically lasted for like, 18 hours.

"I gave you 7 years of my life!"

Also, said tape recorded BOTH sides of the phone conversation...

"I'm leaving you, Johnny."

ABOUT GODDAMNED TIME!

Hubs: I feel like a sex scene is about to happen but it'll just be him.  Alone in his bed.

OMG Johnny, you're drunk.  Go home.  Or at least stop half-heartedly knocking shit over.

Lisa's gone, who do you think is gonna clean it up???

JOHNNY HAS A GUN!!!!

I don't think I've ever been so glad to see a character commit suicide.

Mark the doctor says he's dead.

OH MY GOD, JOHNNY'S DEAD!!!!!

Twist!  Mark doesn't love her and everything is ALL HER FAULT!

GODDAMNED IT DENNY! QUIT SHOWING UP UNANNOUNCED!

Then Denny chapped his hands and shouted "I do believe in fairies!  I do believe in fairies!"  And Johnny got up off of the floor and walked away completely unharmed.

THE END.

Nope.  Johnny's still dead.


FIN.

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